Training and Derby Thoughts-The Inner War Zone


I work really hard for the sport I play. I train on the track 3 times a week and I am at the gym for the remainder of days or working out at home. I try to take a day of rest, but I admit I like exercise. I like when I realize "I can push 5 pounds heavier than last week" and "I can run ___ minutes more."

I like when I sweat. I like the release of endorphins that comes with exercise. I might be addicted.

I never thought I would actually like training for anything. I mean, I have always liked learning things that interest me, but I never thought I would like physical conditioning the way I have been the last few years.

It's hard. The mental part of any training is the worst for me. I get in my own way. Little failures make me want to throw my hands in the air and say "Fuck this, I quit". Still, the next day I push more.

I admit it is not the easiest thing to do. Quieting that little voice in my head that tells me I will fail is hard work. That annoying as fuck voice is a bitch and she hates when I succeed. Still, the voice in me that says "Yes! You did it!" has grown a little louder. She yells over the bitch-voice with "Look how good you are! You can do anything! You CAN, you WILL!" She used to be a whisper, and now she is thunder.

That bit of thunder is what helps me train. What used to be a little voice in me now dominates my head. Yeah, she gets tired and Bitch-voice comes through (I think she waits in the wings for a break in the armor of Thunder-voice). But, Bitch-voice doesn't have the power over me she did just two years ago.

So, I train, and I train hard; for Roller Derby and also train for me. My Inner Selves are at war and I am training the Thunder-Voice to be louder. Because dammit... I can! I will! I do!

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