Ravings of an Irate Pirate

For FolkeWood questing, I was tasked by Neil with creating a living statue costume. And by tasked, I mean I jumped at the chance to do it. So, how did it all come together? Well, it was weeks of research, planning, and execution with the aid of several people. I feel that the Realms would benefit from knowing how things were made when it comes to big costumes and props. I also hope that with this, we can up our costuming game. Let’s start with the dress. We knew the look we were going for was pseudo Greek. I scoured Halloween costumes for the right piece. I found this : As you can see, it is not in the least bit grey, nor was it in any way stiff. With help from Jana “Jynx” Greene and a little more research we found that the next step was to cover the whole dress in Liquid Latex. Jana found the Rub-R-Mold Liquid Latex. She also had the idea to stuff some shopping bags under the waist of the dress to keep it from pulling down/losing some shape. Armed with Rubber G...

VIRGINIA, your derby friends are wrong. They have been affected and infected by a sport that takes hold of you, your very soul, and holds on to you. They do not see outside of the track. They think all things over the crash zone line are incomprehensible, and impossible. In this great universe of ours, there is more than the skates on your feet, and the helmet on your head. Yes VIRGINIA, there is life after roller derby. It exists as certainly as does that place you lay out your gear when it is wet, sweaty and gross (that is called your house). Alas, how dreary the world would be should this life not exist. How dreary the world would be if there were no VIRGINAS, those broken and battered bodies, men women and more, who saw something fantastic and heard sounds beyond the drone of the in house announcer saying their name. The eternal light of vacation, lost or forgotten talents, and a straight/pain free spine would be gone were it not for the life outside. Not to believe in life aft...

I'm not always strong.  There are more days than I can count where I look at my own face and I wonder "what fucking right do I have to even be alive". I beat myself up a lot. More often than I care to admit, even to myself. Every conversation gets played to death in my head. Every misspoken word and every fuck up just goes on and on in an unending loop. I'm not always strong. There are days I can barely claw my way out of bed because it's easier to just fucking sleep than it is to face the world outside. I'm lucky I work from home. If I had to go into the office every day, I'd likely have be fired by now. I'm not always kind. Especially when it comes to me taking to me. I'm a fucking asshole to myself. When I can't stand myself is when I become more of an Asshole to those around me. I'm not always nice. One of my pieces of armor is more like a sword. One I swing wildly to drive people away when I am at my worst, just ...

Before I posted weird lessons. Now, let's talk important lessons. Some of these lessons are personal, some fall into the global category. Cross training is NOT an option. It is, in fact, a requirement. As you progress you are going to find you want to do better, be better, and something needs to be different to make that happen. Most of the time you need to cross train. Talk to your top skaters, find out what they do, work with your coaches and captains to get some things you can do at home or your gym. I also highly recommend checking out Roller Derby Athletics . For years I have sworn by Booty Quakes methods. Do NOT put duct tape on your skates! For the love of all that is holy and righteous, do not put duct tape on the toes of your skates. Get toe covers/toe guards instead. Why? Duct tape will stick, forever, and you will regret everything. It ruins leather and you'll likely be sad. Buy a good helmet! You are going to get a concussion no matter what if you knock you...

There are a million lessons to be learned when you are doing Roller Derby. Sometimes someone helps you with these valuable tid-bits, and other times you have to learn for yourself and learn the hard way. Here are some things I learned the hard way. Clear pee for victory! Not sure you are hydrated enough? Well, one sure way to know is if you are peeing clear. On game day, or hell any day, you should keep yourself well hydrated. This helps keep energy up and you will find you can go for longer, faster, jams. In the same line of thinking, pee before you hit the track and at half time. Seriously, go to the bathroom! New studies have come out talking about how the body reacts to over-hydration ( hyponatremi ), so just go pee! Again, same vein: poop before a game. It sounds funny, maybe it is gross for you to talk about, but seriously... poop. You'll just feel better. Speaking of poop..... Every hotel has a "Poop Bathroom". Speaking of travel, everybody poops. If yo...

I have never been good at this, and should have known that I would neglect my poor blog. Let's see, where did we leave off? Ah, yes... I was going to tell you about retirement from Roller Derby. August 31st was my final day as a skater. It was a relief and was mixed with sadness when the day finally came. Roller Derby has been a huge part of my life for almost a decade. Still, it was time. Time to let someone else shine, someone else be the league-vet, and time to let my body heal. As I stepped back, I realized I did not want to be completely out of the picture, so I threw my name in as a coach for the Cherry Bombs. I got the gig, and am excited to help the team grow and have a great 2017 season! After retirement we went on vacation to Disney with the 4TRESS (our RV). It was a blast. Hurricane Matthew aside, we had a good time, though I hope we do not see that weather again! As we drove there and back, Mr Pirate and I talked about how neat it would be if we could be...