Not Alone But Always Alone

The end of this post is the most important part! You don't have to read everything if you do not want, just please read and pass along the end!

No matter what problems you are dealing with, we want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.

This was prompted by the sad news that came about August 11, 2014. We, the world, lost Robin Williams. A brilliant actor, a creative and strange mind, and by all accounts an amazing, humble, and generous man.

So, here's the big thing (and I keep thinking about this)... what it all comes down to is what is written here. Depression is something people fight every day. Some of us fight with a chip on our shoulder or a smile we have practiced our whole lives. I say practiced because it is not always a real or genuine smile, though we pretend hard enough that it seems that way.

I have survived through 3 friends suicides.

I have distinct memories of huddling with friends outside an ICU, staring into the face of the twin brother of a friend who put a .22 to his head and thinking "what could have made it come to this?"
I can recall the phone call "___ is dead,  took a bottle of..."


The reality is that Mental Illness and Addiction are still Taboo. People find it difficult to talk through their feelings because we are told again and again to just stop feeling sad, or to 'look on the bright side'. What people who do not suffer from depression, mental illness or addiction do not see is that when we are feeling our worst there is no bright side.

All we feel when we are in a rut is hopeless, alone, and tired. Well, maybe that is just me.



Hi, you can call me Irate. I suffer from bouts of depression or Episodic Mood Disorder, or Major Depressive Disorder, or whatever you wish to call it according to the current or past versions of the DSM. It doesn't matter what you call it, it's in my chart.
When I was young I attempted suicide. I realized I was being an idiot at just the right moment and I am still here. I bear no visible scars, but I know what I almost did.
Every day I wake up and I make myself think of a reason to still be alive. Some days it is hard, others I find it easy. My life is not bad at all. I have great friends, an amazing family, and people who love me. Still, I have days where I feel completely alone and I do not want to even get out of bed. It's a fight to just move, but I fight myself, and I get up.


It's not easy, this living. But, I do it. Many people do it. And I do it because I know what a toll suicide takes on those left behind. It's hard for survivors to ... well... survive. It's hard to bear such a burden because we, the survivors are left with more questions than anything else. I am not saying suicide is selfish, no. I am saying it's hard to live with more questions and the pain of loss is tremendous (sometimes more so when you know how the person felt... but you could never tell them)

There are resources. More than you may know.
There are ways to approach people with depression. There are things you should do when someone threatens to take their own life, even if it means they never speak to you again. It means you tried to save them.

Here is what I could dig up for my short post:
National Resources
Suicide Prevention Resource Center
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:   1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Local Resources 
New Hampshire Suicide Hotlines
Massachusetts Suicide Prevention Resources